Gone Fishing
by knives4cash
Summary: Team RWBY attempts to fish. Hilarity ensues.


Resist. I must resist. I must resist. I must resist. Sitting on the edge of the dock, legs dangling, I stare down into the water. I see small, raw, living fish taunting me with their existence. I've never had raw fish before, but I am possessed with this strange feeling that they taste absolutely fantastic.

"Sooo…" Ruby murmurs. I look to my left, across from Weiss sits Ruby. She taps her fishing pole idly. "Do you ever wonder why we're here?" Philosophy with fishing. What a peculiar combination.

"Ruby, I love you. I truly do." Weiss confesses with a peck on the cheek. A public display of affection? My, my. That's quite serious on Beacon soil. "But that's a mystery that not even you could solve."

"It is one of life's greatest mysteries." I agree with a nod, still staring down those accursed fish. I shall consume them all.

"Why ARE we here?" Yang asks with genuine curiosity.

"No, no." Ruby shakes her head. "I mean why are we HERE. Right now. Sitting on the edge of this dock, trying to catch fish with string, worms, and sticks." Oh.

The four of us sit in silence.

"Which one of us came up with this idea?" Weiss asks, looking in my direction. "I recall voting for a walk through the woods."

"NEVER! AGAIN!" Yang throws up her free arm. "Shall Blake and I walk THROUGH the woods!" I role my eyes with a smirk. I couldn't have been as bad as she claims I was.

"Yes, Yang. I recall that vote being shot down." Weiss sighs. "But it feels like we're wasting time, when we could be doing something more… fun." She offers with a shrug.

"Okay, okay, I've got it." Ruby declares. "We'll play a game!" I wonder what kind of game.

Raising an eyebrow, I ask, "With our attention and arms currently indisposed, what game do you intend for us to partake in?"

"We'll give three options, and everyone of us has to decide who gets what fate." Ruby hums. "One of us, you have to marry… the second, you have to kill, aaand the third… you have to take possession of their body for the rest of your life!" What in the name of all that is decent?

"Ruby!" Weiss gasps. "That's rather morbid!" She receives a peck on the cheek.

"Good! That means you'll have to give it some thought!" Ruby snaps her free hand. "And you can't marry the person you're in a relationship with!" She pats Weiss's lap. "You go first!"

I hear Yang chuckle. "This should be fun." I'm inclined to agree with her.

"I suppose I have nothing more productive to do." Weiss hums in thought. "Well, I'd kill Yang, obviously."

"Hey!" I smirk. Why am I not surprised?

"It's nothing personal, Yang. It's just that I can actually stand Ruby and Blake."

"Heeey!" She whines. Ruby and I laugh.

I nuzzle her briefly. "There, there."

"And, since I can't marry Ruby, I suppose I'll have to take possession of her body and marry Blake."

"You can't have my girl!" She exclaims. I smile.

"She has no other option, love." I remind her. Yang's pout is always adorable.

"Logical, logical." Ruby approves. "Okay, Blake! Your turn!"

"If I cannot marry Yang, I suppose I shall take possession of her body." Hmmm. "Weiss, tell me why I shouldn't kill you."

She scoffs. "Where should I start? Calm, calculated, logical. I guarantee you wouldn't come home to a house on fire." I giggle. She has valid points. "Oh, and I'm just a bit on the rich side, in case you haven't noticed." She finalizes with a smirk. She knows that she has the advantage.

I nod. "And what of you, Ruby? What shall I gain with your marriage?"

"Uuum." She scratches her head. "Undying love?"

"A bigger rack." Yang murmurs.

"HEY!" Weiss almost disturbs her line. I place my free hand on her shoulder.

"Yang, play nice." I warn. She grumbles, but my faunus hearing picks up on her words of resignation.

"Oh!" Ruby slaps her knee. "You'd get unlimited cuddles! Anytime, anywhere, for as long as you wanted!"

"You wouldn't have a say in the matter." Weiss warns. "She'll glomp you in the showers if you're not careful." I look away with a blush.

"Oh, don't worry, Weiss." Yang purrs. "She knows AAALL about shower glomping."

"Sweet lord." Weiss scoffs with a role of her eyes.

"And what about you, Weiss? Would you cuddle with me if I requested it?" I raise an eyebrow at her. She would not be one for too much physical contact, I think.

"Define cuddling." She requests.

I nod. "Hugging, nuzzling, petting my ears, nibbling the nape, groping the-"

"Okay, okay! I get the picture!" She shivers. "You in Yang's body?" She shakes her head. "Too weird."

"I understand." I have made up my mind. "I kill Weiss and marry Ruby."

"Yay!" Ruby laughs but falters. "Oh, no. Poor Weiss."

"YOU came up with these terms!" Weiss informs her. She leans over and looks down. "What about you, Yang?"

I see Yang place her head in the palm of her free hand. "I dunno. I could kill you or make your life miserable." She smirks. "Decisions, decision."

Weiss scoffs. "If you're going to make my life miserable, could you at least do it in Ruby's body?"

"Um, thanks?" Ruby asks in confusion. I would consider it a compliment, one signifying the lesser of two evils, but a compliment none the less.

"In that case, I kill Ruby and possess Blake!" Yang declares.

"What about you?" The three of us collectively turn to and ask Ruby. She's rather taken aback at our synchronized action.

"Um, I guess I…" She sighs in thought. "Yang would be more exciting." She considers. "But Blake would never forget my birthday."

"I said I was sorry!" Yang groans.

"Still…" Ruby sighs in thought. "Okay, I guess I kill Blake, marry Yang, and possess Weiss!"

"Argh, WHY?!" Weiss groans. "I'm not aware of any of this, right?" A good question.

"Oh, yeah." Yang agrees. "We kinda forgot about the moral ramifications of possessing someone's body." I nod. That would need to be clarified. I'd rather die than bear witness to an eternity of control.

"Eh, who cares?" Ruby waives a dismissive hand. "Then needs of the candy, or something." Does she mean needs of the many?

"Fine with me." Yang declares. "Okay, I've got one: One of us you fall hopelessly in love with, but they don't return the feeling. The second one falls hopelessly in love with you, but YOU don't return the feeling. And the third tries to kill you out of jealousy because Person Number Two loves you and not them!"

Huh, that was a brain-full.

"Ruby, you go first!" That grin of hers is rather fiendish.

"Ooooh, that's so sad!" Ruby whines. "I don't know which is worse, loving Weiss and being alone or being loved by you or Blake and not returning that love!"

"Perhaps Weiss loves you, but you do not?" I offer. They both gasp at me in horror. "Never mind." I believe that I shall refrain from offering advice.

"The person I love, do they not know that I love them?" Ruby asks.

"Hmmm." Yang gives herself a few moments to think on it. "Nope! You never tell them, and they never catch on!"

Ruby scowls. "Fine. I guess I love Weiss." Oh, my feels. "And I think I'll have Yang love me, so that I only have to deal with Blake trying to kill me." Really now?

"And what makes me the easier attacker to repel?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Have you seen Yang fight?" She laughs. "She just plows right through her enemies! I wouldn't stand a chance!" Huh.

"Fair enough." I concede. "Weiss?"

"I suppose I would want Ruby to be the one to hunt me." Weiss reasons, "She is the least hostile of the four of us, I believe." How sweet. "Which means that I would have to hopelessly love you or Yang." Oh, I see where that's going. "And since I'm not going to love Yang, I suppose that leaves me with you." She smirks.

"You're just doing this to spite me." Yang grumbles.

"I'm flattered." I smile and nod to Weiss.

"I'm really confused on if I should feel insulted or happy." Ruby admits with a whine.

"Well, I believe that since I can manage Yang's love, I shall have her love me unrequitedly." I declare, much to Yang's gasping shock.

"Et tu, quam amo?" She demands.

Ignoring her Latin, I continue, "And I agree with Weiss. Ruby will hunt me, because Yang does not love her, and Weiss will be the object of my affection." I answer mildly.

"Well fine!" Yang scoffs. "In that case, I'll have everyone love ME, and you can all be unhappy!"

"Hah!" Weiss scoffs, "What good are those massive breasts if you have no one to SHARE them with?!"

Yang's aura is flaring up. She might set the dock on f-

"WOAH!"

"WHA-?!"

"YANG!" is all I manage to shout as the wood literally disintegrates beneath us. We're in the water now. I've lost my bow, but I don't give it a second thought as I quickly get out of the water. Ruby and Weiss slosh out of it as well.

"Immature." Weiss observes as she wrings of her hair.

Better the docks than our bed sheets.

Yang emerges from the water and joins us on dry land. "We never go fishing again, agreed?"

The three of us collectively answer, "Agreed."

I smirk. I think we'd have more fun playing Risk or Monopoly.


End file.
